What I Carry

2026
graphite and watercolour on polyester film, paper
45 x 35 cm

This self-portrait depicts a figure with multiple arms, drawing on Hindu visual traditions in which multiplicity represents a life shaped by many forces rather than a singular identity. Each arm holds an object or gesture tied to a formative aspect of my existence: a bayonet and slouch hat refer to my military service, sculpting and painting tools represent creative labour, and clenched hands recall years of martial discipline. These elements are not symbols of achievement, but traces of experience — roles inhabited, carried, and reconfigured over time.

The elements do not hold equal weight within the image. Some are sharply articulated, while others recede or blur, pushed behind competing forms. This shifting hierarchy reflects the instability of identity: facets of the self move in and out of focus depending on memory, circumstance, and necessity. The work resists a single moment or façade, instead attempting to hold multiple temporal states simultaneously.

A red stain runs through the composition, deliberately ambiguous. It may be read as blood, pain, trauma, or vitality — the same force that wounds and sustains. The portrait proposes identity as layered, unresolved, and continually negotiated.