I was only 19
acrylic and oil on cotton
200 x 140 cm
Life-threatening fear triggers part of your brain, the amygdala, to send a message to your hypothalamus creating fight/flight hormones. These hormones are released through your sympathetic nervous system.
My eyes would have been dilated, if they were open.
My mouth is dry as I feel my muscles, tight, pulsating fast with blood.
I can hear only the sound of my breath and heart.
I can taste the smell of the toilet I’m lying next to, and now I am covered in my own piss.
My body is tingling and my skin is cold and wet.
The tension is building at the base of my skull and fuck me, all I want to do is cry.
I don’t understand, I went through the same experience and I’m fine, why aren’t you?
I was only 19.
In my painting I was only 19 I am interpreting the body’s physical reaction to the impact of a traumatic event. Through the connected body parts in the sympathetic nervous system, a face is given to my monster. A creature with a set of dilated and undilated eyes, evoking a relationship between the anxiety of yellow and the red of fight or flight.